OF LIFE AND DEATH...

The course of yin and yang was followed.

When something begins, something has to end...

When there's a celebration for joy, there's a cause for grief...

And when there's a hope of life, there's the inevitable death...

I opened my phone just before I was about to go to bed to set up the alarm. I was surprised because in the middle of the night, I heard it ringing. I though that I was dreaming because my roaming got cut off two weeks ago because my bills were overdue.

But when it continued ringing, I got off the bed and checked it out. There was an unregistered number on the phone and when I answered it I was surprise to hear the voice of my mom.

She told me that she took care of the bills and was asking me if I was doing ok and if I got my ticket booked already. I said to her that I took care of tickets and i'll be flying back by the end of the month.

There was a hint of sadness in her voice so I got worried and asked her if everything was ok... but I wasn't prepared for the next few words that she told me... I almost brokedown and cried.

Just five days ago, I was so ecstatic to hear that my healthy niece - Aeon had just been born. I was so excited to hear the news and I just couldn't wait to meet her. She'll be the first "apo" of my mom and dad, and my first "pamangkin". It's ironic because she's the daughter of my youngest brother who just turned seventeen. After hearing the news, I went to the market and bought a lot of pasalubongs for her.

This time though, my mom's voice wasn't as excited. She told me that three days ago, my other younger brother's wife gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, 2 months premature. I was so excited to hear that but before I could ask about him more, my mom said that his heart had stopped beating and he's no longer with us anymore...

I must have frozen for a minute and I didn't know what to say. The news had caught me by surprise that I just couldn't move. I knew for a fact that the baby was healthy, and that my brother's wife has her monthly visits to the doctor and everything was perfectly normal.

My mom said that the doctors couldn't do anything, they couldn't revive the cold beautiful boy who was dead apparently even before it was born.

My mom said that my younger brother Mike hasn't stopped from crying. My heart broke... I felt this unimaginable sadness and the regret that I wasn't there to console him in his time of mourning. Mike was very close to me.

I couldn't imagine the pain that he is going through right now. He so love his baby. I don't know how he'd be able to cope up. I can't imagine a young nineteen year old boy burrying his dead baby. I think it's the most painful thing a human being could ever feel... a father burrying his child. My brother is so young and he had lots of hope for his baby.

Mike, my brother, I'm so proud of. He took responsibilities for all the consequences of his actions. He got married at a young age because he believed that the baby should have a legal family.

And even though he's busy as a senior college student, he'd never miss the doctor consultation to join his wife and see that the baby is healthy.

Even though he had exams the following day, he would help me in my projects till the wee hours of the morning to earn extra money which he saves regularly, I know because he showed me his bank book one time. He said that he's starting early and he's saving for the future of his "little angel". He rarely goes out... and for a nineteen year old that's really unheard of... that's how responsible he is.

Now... It's very difficult for me to accept this sad news... I'm very sad for the baby, but I feel more bad for my brother and his wife because I know that they have sacrificed a lot for their baby. They have everything planned... the baby was their future. The beautiful boy would have been lucky to have them as parents.

I'm feeling so weak, but I know that I have to be strong for my brother. I haven't had the chance to talk to him yet because they apparently had just left the hospital and went to school so I'm trying to catch him in his free time.

I'm afraid that I wouldn't know what to say really... I don't know the right words that would lighten up whatever he's feeling right now. I would just want to be the older brother and just rescue him and just really stop the pain... but I know that this time around, I really couldn't do much but let him mourn and let him experience death as it should be.

Deep inside, I know that the pain will eventually subside and it'll just make him stronger in the end.

It'll be difficult to move on, but it wouldn't be impossible...

The spirit may be weak but time offers nothing but hope...

I'm in mourning for the loss of my nephew, but I shouldn't forget that my niece - Aeon is also a cause for celebration.

It's hard isn't it? How difficult it is to experience joy and grief at the same time. But I just really have to live with it.

I, the living, has no excuse but to live my life to the fullest, and with my utmost best.

Death will come no matter what... for it is only in death that we can really appreciate how beautiful life is.